From One Mama in the Trenches to Another, and any parent walking this road

If you are reading this with tired eyes, a full heart, and a nervous system already on edge.... I see you.

The holidays are supposed to be magical. And sometimes they are.
But for many of us raising autistic children, they are also loud, unpredictable, emotionally heavy… and exhausting in ways that are hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t lived it.

I used to wonder why holiday break felt so hard in our home.
Why my child seemed more dysregulated.
Why sleep disappeared.
Why meltdowns felt deeper.
Why I felt like I was constantly bracing for impact.

And then it clicked.

When school stops, our children lose their structure.
Their anchors.
The predictable rhythm that helps their nervous systems feel safe.

So if holiday break already feels like a lot, please know this:
You are not alone. I am walking this season right alongside you.

This guide isn’t written from a place of perfection, it is written from the trenches. From trial, error, tears, and tiny victories. These are the things that have truly helped my own child breathe easier when the world feels too loud.

1. Soft Structure Is Not the Enemy of Holiday Magic

For a long time, I felt guilty keeping routines during the holidays.
Like I was somehow doing it “wrong” because we weren’t going with the flow like other families.

But here’s the truth I have learned the hard way:

Predictability doesn’t ruin the holidays — it makes them possible.

What helped us most wasn’t rigid schedules… it was gentle rhythm:

• Keeping wake-up and bedtime within the same hour
• A simple morning flow: breakfast → sensory play → quiet activity
• A visual schedule (even handwritten on paper)
• Built-in calm anchors throughout the day — like quiet play or weighted time

Our kids do not need chaos wrapped in tinsel.
They need safety. And structure is safety.

A Gentle Note Before We Begin

Before we dive in, I want to gently share that some of the tools mentioned in this guide are included through affiliate links. This simply means I may earn a small commission if you choose to make a purchase which is at no extra cost to you.

You may notice that a few of these items are ones I have shared in other posts as well. That’s because they have truly become part of our daily life and have helped my son feel safer, calmer, and more regulated. I only share what genuinely supports our family, with the hope that it might offer comfort to yours too.

Thank you for being here and for supporting my little cozy corner of the internet.

2. Prepare for Sensory Overload Before It Hits

One of the biggest lessons autism parenting has taught me is this:
Once overwhelm hits, it is already too late.

Preparation changes everything.

These are the sensory tools that have helped my son stay regulated during busy holiday outings, family visits, and noisy environments:

💚 Noise-Reducing Headphones — absolute lifesavers when sound becomes too much

💚 Handheld Fidgets — perfect for transitions, waiting rooms, or restless moments

💚 Chewelry — for anxiety, self-regulation, and oral sensory needs

💚 Weighted Lap Pad — grounding comfort during visits or quiet activities

These are not “extras.”
They are tools of regulation.
And when your child feels safe… everything shifts.

During holiday break, we noticed that my son needed a little more sensory input than usual just to feel grounded. The lack of routine, extra noise, and excitement made it harder for his little body to settle, even when his heart wanted to enjoy the season.

One thing that has helped us during times like this is having simple, sensory-support tools on hand that are often recommended by occupational therapists.

Brands like Harkla create sensory tools designed to support regulation and body awareness in a gentle, non-overwhelming way. These are not “fixes,” but they can offer an extra layer of comfort during moments when emotions start to rise, or transitions feel especially heavy.

If you would like to explore their sensory tools, I have shared more details here.

3. Create a Cozy Calm Space (Your Home Can Be Their Refuge)

Holiday break means home becomes everything.

In our house, the calm corner has been one of the most meaningful things we have ever created and it doesn’t need to be fancy.

Ours includes:
• Pillows
• A warm blanket
• Soft lighting
• A few trusted sensory tools
• And our beloved felt Christmas tree

That felt tree has been such a gift. My son gets the joy of decorating without the overwhelm of the big tree and he rearranges it daily, proudly.

If your child loves decorating but finds the big tree overwhelming, the felt Christmas tree we use has been a sweet, calming alternative... you can find it here. DIY Lighted Felt Christmas Tree Set with Ornaments for Kids.

Create whatever “cozy calm” looks like for your child.
A place with no expectations.
No pressure.
Just peace.

4. Gentle Boundaries With Family Are Acts of Love

The holidays can be especially painful when relatives don not understand autism.

The looks.
The comments.
The pressure to explain… again.

This is what I remind myself every year:

My child does not need to perform for anyone. He needs to feel safe.

Simple phrases that protect your child and your heart:

• “He does not do hugs, but he is happy to wave.”
• “She needs a quiet break — she will rejoin when she is ready.”
• “We are keeping the day flexible based on how he is feeling.”

You are not being difficult.
You are advocating.
You are choosing your child.

And that is always the right choice.

5. Behaviour Changes Are Communication — Not Regression

Almost every holiday break, I notice more:

• Meltdowns
• Clinginess
• Sleep struggles
• Food refusal
• Sensory seeking
• Big emotions

I used to panic.
Now I understand.

This isn’t regression. It is a nervous system working overtime.

Our kids are not giving us a hard time.
They are having a hard time.

And when we see it through that lens, compassion replaces fear...... for them and for ourselves.

6. Small Moments Are Enough (More Than Enough)

Holiday magic does not need crowds or packed schedules.

Sometimes magic looks like:

• Sensory bins with holiday rice or pasta
• Quiet movie nights under a weighted blanket
💚 If your child finds comfort in deep pressure, the weighted blanket we use has been a calming support for cozy evenings: You can explore it here.

• Soft music while toys are lined up just right
• Simple baking together
• Looking at Christmas lights from the car — we love drive-through light displays, and if my son feels up to it (which he usually does), we will do a short, gentle walk afterward to see a few more lights together.

Your child doesn’t need everything.
They need connection, comfort, and understanding.

And you are already giving that.

7. Always Have a Plan B — With Zero Guilt

Some days will not go as planned.
That’s not failure..... that is autism parenting.

Plan B might mean:
• Staying home
• Leaving early
• Cancelling plans
• Ordering takeout
• Saying “not this year”

Choosing peace is not quitting.
It is wisdom.

8. Your Calm Is Part of Their Regulation

This part is tender, because I am still learning it too.

But mama..... or any parent reading this ...
Your calm matters.

Your breath helps them breathe.
Your softness helps them soften.
Your peace becomes theirs.

If you can, give yourself small moments:
• A warm shower
• Tea at night
• Stretching during play
• Asking for help

You matter too.

9. Ease the Transition Back to School

A few days before school returns, gently re-introduce structure:

• Bedtime routines
• Morning flow
• Driving past the school
• Backpack practice
• Visual schedules

Transitions feel safer when they are familiar.

If there is something that has helped your family through holiday break, I would truly love to hear it. You are always welcome to reach out and share, as your experience may be exactly what another autism parent needs right now.

From My Heart to Yours

If there is one thing I hope you take from this, it’s this:

You are not failing.
You are not doing this wrong.
You are doing something incredibly hard.... with love.

Raising an autistic child in a world that does not always understand them takes courage, patience, and a depth of compassion most people will never see.

I hope this guide brings softness into your holiday break.
I hope it helps your home feel calmer.
And I hope you remember — families like ours need each other.

I am so grateful you are here with me in this cozy corner.